So I was reminded today in a big way why I hate living at "home". I'm from California originally, and I love it. I'm a Cali girl at heart and I love it much more than I should. But the problem with that is, that when I live in California, I have to live with my parents. Granted I love my mother, she's great and while she has her issues, we work out really well together.
My dad on the other hand... I just can't deal with him for any extended period of time. And by extended period of time I really mean like 5 mins or more. He's an alcoholic that won't admit he actually has a problem. He doesn't see a problem with the way he lives. To give you an example of what he does and thinks is normal. My parents just moved into a 800 sq. ft. apartment from a 4500 sq. ft. house in one of the wealthier neighborhoods. He says that he moved because he couldn't afford it and needed to downsize a bit. Truth is he's a dumb bastard who didn't pay the mortgage and lost the house. But that is what he swears happened. He "sold" it. Whatever.
I'm so over him and living here. I need money to get out of here. And I need money real quick. Maybe I need to find a corner? Or just give up a couple of morals and do some photoshoots I probably won't be proud of. I was offered about $1500 for 5 pictures of me that were basically just cum shots. I didn't do it, because I didn't support the idea. But $1500 sounds amazing right now. I need to figure this out because my "job" isn't cutting it. FML...
31.5.09
29.5.09
Hey hey hey...
So the swimsuit I just bought from Victoria Secrets just got here and gah it's ab fab. And it's super bright and colorful, so woot for me. See... sehr schoen, huh? Who cares I love it. Best thing, I actually kind of look like that in it, so that's even better. :)
So finally heard from my airman/best friend of life. He's in Afghanistan currently, until September, then back to Okinawa, Japan. I miss him so much it's ridiculous. Everytime I hear from him though I remember how much I love him. It took a while for us to realize exactly how perfectly we fit in each other's lives but now we're pretty much stuck together. He will always be a part of my life no matter what happens, or how much time comes between us.
Ain't he adorable? That's my Justen. I love him so much.
I got a job sort of, working on call at Macy's, in the women's shoes. That's going to be the death of me. My pay check is never going to make it out of the store with all of those pretty shoes. But I need to save up. I have to afford my move to Florida. *sigh* Being grown up is hard. Over it.
I have a brunch meeting with my SoCal Echelon, so I get to see several of my favorite people. I'm so excited. They are quite literally my second family and I don't get to see them nearly often enough.
I think that's all for the evening. I always have tons going through my head, but don't always feel like writing it out. *shrug*
Besos
18.5.09
I know...
So yeah, I know I've been extremely absent from this blog recently. But if it makes you feel any better I've been a little absent from life as well. I've been really busy with finals and life just piling on top of things so yeah, I've been gone. Oh well, I'll try and do better from now on out. I'm thinking about trying that 30 days thing again, see if it works this time. But idk...
Anywho, so let's see what's up? Um... I'm in Cali, that's probably the biggest thing. As some of you may know I'm originally from Cali and my family lives here. So I'm breaking here between schools. It's pretty much official I'm moving to Florida come like end of July for school. I'll be attending Full Sail University in Winter Park, FL getting a Bachelors in Film. It's an entertainment university so no more boring classes that have nothing to do with what I want to do with my life. So that's pretty awesome.
I already found a roommate and apartment too, so that's kind of awesome. Her name is Abeni, but she goes by Abby, and we're like long lost sisters so we'll get on great I think. Woot.
Um, what else? Oh yeah, so in my break from this blog I had a very brief relationship with a girl. She is gorgeous, and super sweet, but I can't say our relationship ended well. We met at a party of mutual friends, and she was instantly attracted to me, even though she believed herself straight until that point. She was nice and again gorgeous so I figured why not? Problem was, I knew I was leaving for Cali in not too long, so it would kind of be unfair for her. She said she didn't care, would enjoy the time we had together.
For those of you who don't know I'm polyamorous along with being pansexual, so I have a tendency to be interested in more than one person at a time with the same amount of emotion. Well I told her this, because she needed to know, and she said that was okay we weren't going to be that serious and I wasn't asking for complete commitment since I knew I was leaving from the beginning.
So the other interest was Josh, which I knew from the beginning was going no where, but a girl can't help hoping. Well introduced V to Josh, just because they were both close to me and I thought they'd get on well. Turns out, they did. They ended up fucking at Kris's bday party, about a half hour after I left. Now while that doesn't exactly thrill me, it's whatever really. I wasn't sleeping with V and I sure as fuck wasn't sleeping with Josh, so I couldn't technically lay claim to either of them. Problem is, V wasn't going to tell me it happened at all, because she didn't want it to "complicate" my last week. Yeah, well, no good. I, honestly, don't care that it happened, it really bugs that she didn't want to tell me. I found out because I am who I am in Athens, GA and not much happens to people I know without me finding out about it. That's just the way it is. A few days after it happened she told Josh not to say anything to me about it, to which he correctly replied that I probably already knew, I did.
Her and I "discussed" this little happening a few times, without her ever really getting my point on the whole situation. That is why I say things didn't end fabulously. They just kind of ended, and now I'm not really mad anymore, more ambivalent but still...
Whatever it happened, and it's over so who cares. I have some much bigger problems to worry about than a relationship that ended poorly. I forget on several occasions how old I really am. I mean, I'm only 19 technically, but I feel easily 26 or 27, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm in desperate need for a job because I have to be able to afford my new school before whatever financial aid I'm able to acquire kicks in, which is about 45 days. And yeah, don't know. I have two interviews this week, one with Macy's, the other with Express, so hopefully I'll get one of those and be set. I also have to figure out how to furnish an apartment on a limited budget. I know not many of you know, but I really enjoy interior design. It's something I picked up from my mother. That along with my feeling like an adult combines to make me really all about decorating my new place. Abby seems all about it and our tastes seem to match so woot.
I'm still recovering from the fire. I mean physically I'm fine, thank God. But recovering all of the stuff I lost is not going to be fun. My makeup is being sorely missed right now. I also very much miss the money I had to spend to replace the necessary things. I want to shop like I use to in high school, I want to be able to be fashionable, not just cute. I know I've mentioned this before but it still rings true. I see a lot of killer things out there and I know exactly how great they'd be with different things, and V got me into shopping hardcore again, so I'm in serious trouble. Even with a job, I'm going to have to save most of it for Florida, so not a lot of spending, even though I will have a discount. *shrug* Who knows? I need some paying modeling gigs too, that could be play money. If I could lose like 20lbs I could model professionally and not worry about it at all... But yeah about that... I am losing weight though, but I don't know how and that worries me. Maybe I should just be happy it's going away?
Whatever. I need to go, so I'm going to end that there. This turned into a much larger monster than I thought it would be.
XOXO
AJ
Anywho, so let's see what's up? Um... I'm in Cali, that's probably the biggest thing. As some of you may know I'm originally from Cali and my family lives here. So I'm breaking here between schools. It's pretty much official I'm moving to Florida come like end of July for school. I'll be attending Full Sail University in Winter Park, FL getting a Bachelors in Film. It's an entertainment university so no more boring classes that have nothing to do with what I want to do with my life. So that's pretty awesome.
I already found a roommate and apartment too, so that's kind of awesome. Her name is Abeni, but she goes by Abby, and we're like long lost sisters so we'll get on great I think. Woot.
Um, what else? Oh yeah, so in my break from this blog I had a very brief relationship with a girl. She is gorgeous, and super sweet, but I can't say our relationship ended well. We met at a party of mutual friends, and she was instantly attracted to me, even though she believed herself straight until that point. She was nice and again gorgeous so I figured why not? Problem was, I knew I was leaving for Cali in not too long, so it would kind of be unfair for her. She said she didn't care, would enjoy the time we had together.
For those of you who don't know I'm polyamorous along with being pansexual, so I have a tendency to be interested in more than one person at a time with the same amount of emotion. Well I told her this, because she needed to know, and she said that was okay we weren't going to be that serious and I wasn't asking for complete commitment since I knew I was leaving from the beginning.
So the other interest was Josh, which I knew from the beginning was going no where, but a girl can't help hoping. Well introduced V to Josh, just because they were both close to me and I thought they'd get on well. Turns out, they did. They ended up fucking at Kris's bday party, about a half hour after I left. Now while that doesn't exactly thrill me, it's whatever really. I wasn't sleeping with V and I sure as fuck wasn't sleeping with Josh, so I couldn't technically lay claim to either of them. Problem is, V wasn't going to tell me it happened at all, because she didn't want it to "complicate" my last week. Yeah, well, no good. I, honestly, don't care that it happened, it really bugs that she didn't want to tell me. I found out because I am who I am in Athens, GA and not much happens to people I know without me finding out about it. That's just the way it is. A few days after it happened she told Josh not to say anything to me about it, to which he correctly replied that I probably already knew, I did.
Her and I "discussed" this little happening a few times, without her ever really getting my point on the whole situation. That is why I say things didn't end fabulously. They just kind of ended, and now I'm not really mad anymore, more ambivalent but still...
Whatever it happened, and it's over so who cares. I have some much bigger problems to worry about than a relationship that ended poorly. I forget on several occasions how old I really am. I mean, I'm only 19 technically, but I feel easily 26 or 27, with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm in desperate need for a job because I have to be able to afford my new school before whatever financial aid I'm able to acquire kicks in, which is about 45 days. And yeah, don't know. I have two interviews this week, one with Macy's, the other with Express, so hopefully I'll get one of those and be set. I also have to figure out how to furnish an apartment on a limited budget. I know not many of you know, but I really enjoy interior design. It's something I picked up from my mother. That along with my feeling like an adult combines to make me really all about decorating my new place. Abby seems all about it and our tastes seem to match so woot.
I'm still recovering from the fire. I mean physically I'm fine, thank God. But recovering all of the stuff I lost is not going to be fun. My makeup is being sorely missed right now. I also very much miss the money I had to spend to replace the necessary things. I want to shop like I use to in high school, I want to be able to be fashionable, not just cute. I know I've mentioned this before but it still rings true. I see a lot of killer things out there and I know exactly how great they'd be with different things, and V got me into shopping hardcore again, so I'm in serious trouble. Even with a job, I'm going to have to save most of it for Florida, so not a lot of spending, even though I will have a discount. *shrug* Who knows? I need some paying modeling gigs too, that could be play money. If I could lose like 20lbs I could model professionally and not worry about it at all... But yeah about that... I am losing weight though, but I don't know how and that worries me. Maybe I should just be happy it's going away?
Whatever. I need to go, so I'm going to end that there. This turned into a much larger monster than I thought it would be.
XOXO
AJ
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